she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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