he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
