Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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