I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
