i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
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Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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