I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
