And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
