i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
