YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize