i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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