I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
