dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
