one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
