You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
