But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
