Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My breasts were aching with rage.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
