remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
