i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You ruined the universe
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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