i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
