Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
