I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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