Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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