Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
