the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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