You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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