So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
