Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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