mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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