The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
