I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
