ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
