Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
