She's JV to your varsity
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
