Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
