It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
