Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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