I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
