i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
