Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
