hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
