After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
