i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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