i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
