I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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