we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
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I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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