Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We need a shit load of segways right now
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
