You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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