I want to make a zoo with you.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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