Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So much Jack, so little girl.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
