When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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