We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
