i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
