Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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