my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
