I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
