I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
