Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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