I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
