i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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