i think i have herpe
just one?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
