You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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