My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
