we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
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No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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