I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
