It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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