what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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