honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
