how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
