I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
