SEEEEXXX PLEASE
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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