Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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