Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
