I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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