I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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