Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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