Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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