i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
