Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
