I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
